Whale tail

I saw a whale's tail. Not the top of a g-string poking out the back of a slapper's low-riding jeans - an actual whale tail in Sydney harbour. First real whale tail! Didn't see the rest of the whale, it was refusing to show us everything, the big flirt. The coastguard blocked it off so stupid people couldn't sail their boaties over it, as stupid boatie people like to do - they are also very fond of sailing directly in the ferry's path.

So, whales are big. Quite big. Bigger than Tim, even.

Extreme hurtification

So dry July. So far I've had a lot of headaches. And so much pizza. Almost my entire quiz team is sober, which means we all get bored a great deal more quickly. Is quiz only bearable with booze? Can't be true.

Word up

The wind has picked up, due in no small part to me eating vegan for a week.

I've just been hassled by Australians for calling my jandals 'jandals'. Apparently this is weird. This statement comes from people who eat jaffles. I think that's all we need to know.

Sick but cool like Fonzie

So jet lag, the flu and hayfever do not mix.

But Flossie came to visit and now thanks to her I've been doing a few lines of Whittaker's most mornings. In return, I got her soaked through on a short stroll round Mantown, took her to a birthday party and then made her leave because I was shattered by 9.30.

Yes, I agree. I am cool.

Ich bin ein jelly donut

Berlin and Jessa's birthday. So of course I turned up late (thanks Easyjet) and made her drink a fair bit of wine so she would wake up hungover on her actual birthday. Because I'm an awesome friend. The kind of friend that turns up with Jim Beam in a fancy fucking tin - yes, that's right - classy bourbon. It does exist.

And my wisdom teeth are trying to announce themselves. Again. For the 17th year running. Am dulling the pain with what is actually probably quite an obscene amount of chocolate. Am not sure sugar is what my teeth actually need right now, but it makes me feel better even if it doesn't make wearing jeans so comfy.

Why does one city feel better than another? Berlin wastes Oudenaarde, even without the giant cockerels.

You know you're in Belgium when ...

you and your sister are lolling on couches watching Dawson's Creek.

Of cabbages and kings

There's a lot of cabbage and tea in Ireland. Have consumed a great deal of both. Have spent a lot of time in the bathroom as a consequence.